walking in a winter wonderland

i've had a visitor from the uk to brighten my enforced canadian boredom over the festive period. brlliant. and more than just making me happy with his fabulous presence and reminding me how much i miss my second home....it also reminded me that i live in a pretty cool country right now. huh, who'd of thunk it. seeing canada through the eyes of someone who had never been to canada....the snow, the mountains, the quaintness, the polite niceties...it was an eye opener. and just what i needed. i found myself marveling alongside him at how amazing it is to sit in hot springs watching big, fat snow flakes collect in our hair while looking out over the snow capped mountains. i forgot just how lucky i've been to grow up here and get to take part in the 'alberta advantage' and the gorgeous natural heritage that surrounds us here.

a bit sappy i guess....but i'm feeling very positive these days. i had decided i was going to follow through with this job a while ago and came to terms with that meaning i would have to move back to canada for a time, but i never really came around to being happy about that. now i feel like this remembered appreciation for my country will go a long way to making me excited to work for it''s government and be an integral participant in the fabric of it's society. about time i guess!! thanks d, and happy new year everyone xxxx

and another month bites the dust

oops, there goes a whole month and not a post in sight. i am the queen of laze. so much for that political blogging i suggested last month. it's not that i haven't had entirely nothing to say...i just started to think that maybe a commentary on the adventures in democracy in the country of my birth might not be in good taste from a future employee of said government. hmmmm....or else i'm just really lazy.

so instead of writing down any of my clever thoughts (haha!) i have instead been involved in the rather arduous pastime of increasing my turkey belly and catching up on american tv. so much for december.

still waiting....

sweet home alberta

So I'm home. Unfortunately nothing much more exciting to report. Taking some time adjusting to jet lag and reacquainting myself with my cat (and the rest of the family of course). Pretty much just wishing I could fast forward to Christmas and then on to starting the new job. Waiting feels a bit like purgatory...the holding area and I'm not sure if I'm on the way somewhere good, or straight on to the bad place. As I'm so often reminded, only time will tell. Really hoping being in Canada will help speed up the security bollox.

Seeing I've got nothing but time on my hands, I thought I'd try my hand at some proper political type blogging. Starting tomorrow (or whatever) of course as I am a serious procrastinator who should really be turned over to procrastinator's anonymous (ie the lazy lard arse society). Topic on my mind these days has been the relative effectiveness of aid orgs.

It's cold here. I don't like it. ;)

things i will miss about britain

fizzy vimto. the guardian crossword. cherry bakewells. train journeys. weekend newspaper glossies. mueller rice with vanilla custard. primark pants. fish and chips. multi-coloured terraced houses. actually funny comedy. quorn bacon. never being more than a few hours from the sea. m&s. worchester sauce crisps. easter break at the beach (despite bracing wind and rain). the tube. 6 nations rugby. cobbled high streets. proper ale drunk in proper pubs. branston pickle. boots the chemist. decent indian takeaways. waterstones. lime shower gel. the multitude of accents. the bbc. bollox, rubbish, cheeky and lovely (yes, the words). chocolate horlicks and malteaser drinks.


things i'm looking forward to in canada:

my nephew. my cat. having a proper steak. snow (for about 2 minutes mind). american style pancakes with maple syrup. driving. country music on the radio. christmas lights everywhere. hmmmm...

the cornish riviera

On a wee holiday visiting a good friend stationed in deepest darkest Cornwall. Actually there is nothing deep or dark about Cornwall (apart from the weather). It is lovely and friendly and rather old timey. And you can't exactly take a place too seriously that calls itself the 'cornish riviera' and where train conductors sound like pirates. This is a place that feels like time stops and life is lived in harbour walks, long pub stopovers and pasties consumed in teashops. While this is a rather fortuitous phenomenon for people (like me) who are trying to avoid their 'real' life and cocoon themselves from the hectic displacement that is about the occur....it is also disconcerting. Time might slow down for a moment in a sleepy place to sit and appreciate a hot cuppa with a friend, but it doesn't actually stop. On the contrary it keeps flying by. Speaking of flying, that's me on a plane in just 2 sleeps. No, I'm not freaking out or anything. Of course not...that would be silly...

I also got the chance to attend my first British fireworks night down at Swanpool Beach in Falmouth. Really fab. Not exactly for the fireworks...but as a reminder of why I love being British and want to call this place home. All of these people gathered in the cold looking over the water with a sense of foregone disappointment. Finally a few crackers go off...really mediocre, unexciting stuff and there is this collective sigh of yes, of course they are shite, what else were we expecting. Amazing really. They did get better...I mean nothing on the scale of anything you'd see at even the smallest North American display....but so much the sweeter for the humble, low expectations. I'm not really sure why I love that so much, but there we are.

a change is gonna come...

Only just recovering from the late night up with election fever. To be honest I'm a bit disappointed with the lack of 'action'...it was pretty much over before last night even got started. That of course didn't stop me from staying up over many cups of tea and paltry snacks to watch, almost to the bitter end.

Interesting really, I guess I'm a bit of a cynic and I expected that people were a lot less inspired and a lot more apathetic than the American people turned out to be yesterday. Good on them really.

I think that Obama is going to be carrying an awful lot of expectation on his shoulders on his way into the oval office. I just hope that he can live up to it and follow through with change we can all believe in. I admit to not being sold on his spiel...but I hope, especially now, that I'm wrong. The world will be watching and really, it's about time.

all my bags are packed

The time for denial is over (well sort of)...I finally have a departure date for leaving the UK. Came a bit as a surprise to be honest, I spoke to my mum on the phone about booking a flight home and the next day received an e-mail from my father telling me when I needed to arrive for the plane on November 12th. Parents are interesting creatures. Efficient though.

To be honest, reading the details in black and white shocked me a bit because it was finally a fait accompli, I am going and with only another week to say goodbye to the UK (and all the people who make the UK the place I wanna be most in the world). After a wee cry and a reminder from a very dear friend that I was never going to be any more ready to leave, I found that I am after all ready. That doesn't mean that I want to go, I love so many things here, but I a'm ready to take the next step.

Still no word on security clearance.

american idol

What kind of politico would I be if I didn't make mention of the impending American election. I've been following the election buzz with a lot of interest. A good percentage of my peers at the moment are also politics students, so it was pretty hard to avoid the subject. Not that I'd want to, as let's face it, it is pretty massive. Who will be the new leader of the free world effects us all..primarily in terms of foreign policy. It almost makes one feel as if the rest of the world should get a vote or two in this election.

But if you're Canadian (even one living abroad) the next American president is an even more pressing matter. Canadians aren't exactly shifting a lot of weight on the international stage, it's not really our style. Or policies are often alongside or in direct response to what is decided by our southern neighbour. That's why I wasn't partiularly bothered by the results of the recent PM election because it is clear that policies coming out of Ottawa are going to be shaped in a big way by who ends up getting the keys to the White House.

Just another night to wait....I'll be pulling an all nighter here in England.

waiting game

Just got back from a lovely getaway to the Cote d'Azur. Figured I needed a bit of sunshine before heading off to face a Canadian winter in Ottawa. It was just the ticket as well...loads of beach lounging and plenty of cakes, tartes and flan. I faced my relatively pathological fear of open water and swam in the med at night starkers. Was absolutely the most fabulously free feeling, floating naked in the clear water staring up at a star filled sky.

I finally feel ready to start the 'proper' job journey and excited about the FSO position more than scared or in denial like I have been. I hadn't heard anything from the HR department for awhile, so I was starting to get worried that things weren't working out and that the job offer would fall through. I realised that the worry was because I was actually looking forward to the new adventure and that I was prepared. It would just about be my luck for it to fall through then!! But I was able to get in touch with HR and we are still waiting on my security clearance...so just keep on waiting I guess!! November start date is postponed...so maybe New Year start instead.

not just a river in egypt

Oh yes, this post is all about denial...a place I am currently calling home. Things are moving along bit by bit, but not really due to any effort on my part. I don't know if I know how to put in the effort at this point...much better to live in a cocoon and try not to think about the massive, earth shattering change that is about to be affected on my life. I have managed to move out of my flat in Edinburgh and move in with some pals temporarily. So I'm not homeless. Hooray for simple pleasures. Next on the list of things to do is decide what I can carry and what can be mailed and what is going to Oxfam. I did a preliminary sorting of this when I packed up the flat, but have since realised that I have not come close to doing a good enough job of this...unless of course I have been given the power to morph into a donkey or some such load bearing creature.

I'm beginning to get nervous and frustrated with the lack of communication of the government HR department. Never having gotten/been offered a proper job to date, I'm not really sure what to expect. But I'm starting to think that a provisional contract would be a very nice thing indeed if I am expected to turn my life upside down and move continents. I haven't even got an official start date yet! I have visions of everything falling through and me looking like a arse. Plus the fact that I no longer have a flat or job. Very distressing.

Progress update - I am now a fully fingerprinted non-criminal. I had to make a journey to police headquarters in Edinburgh to make use of this fabulous service. So ends my plans for an epic crime spree a la Thomas Crown.

turn and face the strain

I'm feeling the wrong side of stressed these days. All the suddenly it's starting to sink in that my plans are all changing and things are going to be very different for me in a wee while. I don't like change....I never have. I'm trying my best these days to appreciate that this is a juvenile sentiment and that I should (at least attempt) to embrace change as a positive and necessary facet of my life. But I'll be honest, this is tough going at best.

This week I've been going through my things and deciding which are precious enough to make the intercontinental move once again. It is frightening how many books I seem to be able to accumulate (and unable to part with ) in such a short time. Unfortunately there are luggage restrictions so some of them will have to be re-homed. This is my biggest hate of the whole transitory-moving existence that I have made for myself. I like my things. Not because they cost a lot or anything like that, but because they are mine. This is something that scares me a lot about the prospect of being an FSO...how do you have a home without the people that make you feel like you and without your things??

reservations

I mentioned earlier that I had some serious reservations about joining the Foreign Service, time to elaborate. I honestly hadn't considered the job as a serious prospect until quite recently. I applied and did the tests for the most part to appease my dad. He works for the government and often reminds me of the many benefits of government service, namely a secure position, good pay cheque and stability...all a little mundane for my tastes. So we compromised, instead of general grad jobs with the public service commission that would suck my soul dry, I agreed to apply for the Foreign Service, which was at least in line with my degrees and interests, had a bit more sex appeal and most importantly was extremely competitive (meaning chances were I'd never have to worry about it).

As life would have it, this little plan backfired. It turns out that a job that has a good pay cheque, actually uses your knowledge and abilities, takes advantage of your interests, includes lots of travel and is n0minally cool is actually quite hard to come by. This clearly makes it very, very difficult to turn down.

Why would I want to turn it down you ask? Well there are an awful lot of reasons...I'm not sure how well most of them stand up but anyways. For starters, I'm actually quite happy. Despite being a drifter with no clear direction, I like my life. I moved somewhere because I thought it was pretty and romantic looking (it is!), I work in a job with cool people who make me laugh everyday and where I genuinely get to help people, but most of all I feel like I belong. I've moved a lot in the past few years, so this is important stuff to me.

Next reason is more ethically/ morally based. I've got a lot of issues with working quite literally for the man. I don't like that I will have to endorse and promote the government line to the exclusion of my own politics and values. My Masters specialisation was security intelligence and unlike a lot of my peers, the course showed me that there were a lot of problems with democracy and government infrastructure. Supporting something I'm not sure that I necessarily believe in is difficult...governments, even relatively benign ones like Canada's...are all a bit dirty, it's in their nature. I don't know if I want to be a cog in that machine.

Anyways, I'm sure there's more, but I'll save that for later :)

Oh and the secuity clearance continues...

technical difficulties

I'm having some technical difficulties...which I guess is to be expected as I fall into the luddite category of computer users. Unfortunately these problems relate to me being unaware how to get my blog to come up in a google search...which clearly makes the whole idea of writing on the internet kind of useless. I guess Ill have to bug one of my friends who has a bit more common sense.

Anyways, thought I'd update progress on the FSO journey so far. It seems like this process takes forever! I applied almost a year ago and took the tests just before Christmas. Early in the New Year I relocated to the UK...sort of a spur of the moment, get me out of here impulse that led me to settle in beautiful Edinburgh. I was called into the High Commission in London in March for an interview...the strangest interview I've ever taken part of and one I completed on 2 hours sleep and a litre of coke. I was absolutely certain I'd rubbished it.

I returned to my exciting (read: receptionist in a methadone clinic) life in Edinburgh with any thoughts of becoming an FSO out of mind. Colour me surprised when I got an e-mail in July congratulating me on passing my interview. I guess it's slow going...

So then it was on to the pain in the arse of security clearances and of course second language assessment. I just recently did the French testing in London and was quite impressed to have gotten C-C-B after 8 years sans francais. However, still need to bump that last B to a C and apparently my security clearance is slow going soooo....I get to do a month of French training starting in November. Woot! (not)

the skinny

First off, formal introductions are in order. I'm Jen: half Canadian, half Brit; ex-dancer, recent Master of International Politics. Oh and I have a fondness for cats.

I've always wanted a blog (don't ask why) but never had anything to say. Well nothing that I deemed new or interesting or readworthy anyways. Until I found out that I had passed my FSO interview. I 'll be honest, I have some serious reservations about joining the Foreign Services...but it is a grand opportunity in a line of work I'm all about pursuing. So I started poking around the internet for some insider views, but I've pretty much hit a brick wall that led me to conclude that either Canadian FSOs don't blog, or aren't allowed.

So I figure until I get told I'm not allowed, might as well. So here's my blog dedicated to the trials and tribulations of becoming a Canadian FSO.